Was LaVey right? You betcha.

I mean … It’s one thing if your first reaction to an uncomfortable situation is of a passive-aggressive nature. Aren’t sarcasm and even cynicism much of the same ilk? What would modern society be without the inspiring work of Ambrose Bierce, his Devil’s Dictionary prime amongst the guidelines for a healthy human life?

But dudes, there are limits. If you start to define your life by scathing remarks? Be my guest. They usually are fun to get riled up about, or reply in kind. Or for the spewer of such inanities to curl up in the darkest corner of his bedroom, filled with Twilight novels, while he secretly is plotting the next Slash fiction thingy. You know, the stuff you later upload to some goth board or deviantART or something.

Anyway, I digress.

Apparently, the passive-aggressive ways of dealing with conversations, not to mention discussions, seem to have prevailed over centuries. So there must be some Darwinian advantage to it. Otherwise, passive-aggressives wouldn’t have bred more passive-aggressives and we would be free of angsty teen songs sung by middle-aged men wearing short trousers. To paraphrase a, well, phrase by John Connolly: There’s nothing sadder than a man in his 30s rebelling against his parents while wearing shorts. Or, in this case, wearing more eyeliner than the average female London broker thinking “Friday, I’m in love” was The Cure’s way of telling you to bloody well get laid on Friday nights, or your life is for naught. Which it is anyway, as life sucks etc.pp.

But I digress, again.

Hey, passive-aggressives. It’s not fun. It doesn’t work in the long run. Speaking one’s mind is a good thing (hence this blog), but for Hell’s sake, stop putting on the I-am-unstable-and-I-don’t-want-to-hurt-you-so-I-use-subliminal-messages-instead spiel. You want to be aggressive? Well, be. Be, aggressive, be-ee agressive. B-E-A-G-G, R-E-S-S-I-V-E!

Ya, Mike Patton had the situation down squat. As, apparently, had former side-show artist Anton LaVey. Or, rather, Howard Stanton Levey, but that’s sorta besides the point. He was the great ironic artist of the late 60s and 70s. Cultural deconstructionist, and he could play the Theremin, too! And managed to found the “Church of Satan” which I still consider an practical joke, considering his publications. Prime amongst them the Satanic Bible. With an interesting chapter in it about the so-called “Psychic Vampires”.

Modern psychology might call it passive-aggressive. I call it a subset of psychic vampirism. And frankly, it’s bloody time people stopped doing it as a way of life.

Dudes, you drain others of life-force, blood, spirit, will-to-live with this sort of behaviour. I’m perfectly aware it’s often an automatism, perhaps even a personality trait. But if it’s the latter, stop bloody bitching about people being so rude and not treating you right if they figured out what you are doing! Get therapy or something. Or, better still, finally accept that you might be of the Weird Bunch™ and bloody fucking stop expecting others to bend over backwards to accommodate you just because you said something mean in a cuddly way. You want to be unique, no? You might very well be. So damn well stop bitching about people with, figuratively speaking, vampirism-proof necks. Or the ones that poke fun at it. Or, Gods forbid, dare to use sarcasm as a retort.

Most people don’t like being treated this way. Many people, though, play along. Bad idea. Perhaps Levey was right and people just should ignore such behaviour, at least if it’s a recurring pattern. Because, after all – the sucker suffers just as much as the sucked from this form of vampirism. Especially if he tries it on somebody who does not play along, but plays with it, instead.

And I personally wouldn’t blame such a person. This has to stop. Use sarcasm as much as you like, non-Germans might even understand it. But stop instilling grains of self-loathing by trying to be nice at the same time. It’s annoying at best. And bleedin’ fucking stupid at worst.

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