Well, this is where it’s at.
Bloody piss off with your bloody designer crap. This was wrapped around dying bodies of both soldiers and offices in two World Wars!
Fucking posers, once more.
(Pic by cmoinscher, and readers are advised to wonder who the “posers” are supposed to be.)
Some nifty application caught your eye? Do you figure it will come in handy? You actually need this program to do your chores? Earn money with it, even? Or do you just want to waste time playing around with this latest proof of human ingenuity, thinking your testicles will shrivel unless you keep on using it – even though the trial period expired two weeks ago?
Pay the bloody indy developers, then!
You got a new mouse, don’t like the drivers supplied by the manufacturer, Apple doesn’t support all buttons per default, there’s this tool that will make your new device work properly – and then you bitch that the dev wants € 10 for it? Ten measly Euros after you shelled out a couple of thou for your bloody Mac and another hundred for a mouse?
And don’t get me started on them wankers that pirate expensive graphics applications to remove daemonic red eyes from snapshots or crop their doodling. And then laugh at other, less expensive imaging software and their users for being sub-par.
Damn those wannabe chic restaurant / bar combos. Seriously, you want to be just like NYC? Then bloody hell open a restaurant there! And don’t convert an old-fashioned, well-loved dive into a composition of fake leather and overpriced food.
The waitress you kept after re-imagining your business chats with some regulars who still haven’t understood how their favourite watering hole had lost all its original appeal? Bitch at her! That will tell her to bloody well stop keeping the spirit alive and make sure the old farts won’t leave for pubs with less elegance but cheaper booze!
You have smart people in smart casual and a smart hair-dos sitting around, sipping their smart lattes and chatting about Corporate Identity – without noticing this place has lost its identity. But hey, it has worked for Zurich. “Downtown Switzerland” as the official claim goes, I shit you not. What the flying bugger does a city need a claim for, anyway?
Nice one, that bloody fucking poster showing a 16th century woodcut of your street or something with the pub’s name superimposed as a shop sign. Tradition! We’ve been here for centuries, ahaha! But we had to get rid of all ash trays as well as the original furniture and decoration as it was, well, not really in. Yaknow? Here, have a designer beer.
Serve imported beef rather than regional animal carcasses. Hey, those couple of thousand miles will have tendered the meat considerably by the time it arrives in Switzerland, and anyway, U! S! A! Bugger them bloody Swiss Prime Beef deliveries! Overpriced! We can’t make a decent cut even though we already charge more than any restaurant in walking distance! Must be all these wok veggies we serve with absolutely everything. Wok! That’s so cosmopolitan, too!
Bloody posers.