Angry Sascha is angry.

With the force of a rabid Böser, the epiphany hit me during a five-days-trip through Switzerland. Equipped with nothing more than about 150 fags and pile of single-use Bic razors.

Many things annoyed me during my holidays, things such as backpackers, burkas, Dutch automobilists, and hotel rooms reminiscent of 1970s naughty movies. The one thing that did not piss me off was my decision to go Simple in the shaving department. To wit, single-blade razors and a tin of soap.

I don’t want my shaving gear to vibrate like an adult toy or use system blades that cost a bloody mint. What are they thinking? The results aren’t any better than with single blades, a steady hand provided. Actually, they are worse. And them damn system razors force stores to lock up the blades next to ciggies and hardcore booze as too many refills get stolen. Because they are too fucking expensive.

Give simplicity a shot. Or rather: a shave. You’ll never move back to the future. Also, you might start to wonder about the Power of Marketeers™. More than you already have wondered, that is.

Enjoy using Helvetica? Be it for ad copy, corporate web sites, or the odd letter to your granny? Think again.

Somebody with more oomph than yours truly explains the dire situation of Global Helveticaism in plain words and with shitloads of credibility. Yes, the name Bruno Maag might only turn the ears of typo geeks like meself red with glee. But his frankness and sarcasm make this interview well worth a read – even for people who constantly mistake Arial for Times. Or something.

Check it out. And stop bloody using Helvetica for everything. It’s not “Swiss Style” or something, we guys have been employing better typefaces for ages. Helvetica plain sucks for longer passages, and never ever even think about using it for body text. Pretty please? You’ll make baby Jesus cry if you do. Don’t be lazy. Look for better alternatives for what you want to do. If it still ends up being Helvetica, so be it. The typeface still blows for copy, though.

Now excuse me while I check my style sheet for accidental irony.

Bitching about your neighbours hardly ever is a wise move. Being passive-aggressive about said bitching doesn’t make things better just because you appear to be “polite”. It makes things worse as you’re spewing memes like mad, infecting others and creating problems that simply aren’t there. This is especially true in questions of nationality.

Calling Germans living in Switzerland Schiis-Schwoobe (Shithead Swabians) and blaming then for hogging job opportunities is stupid enough to begin with. Without them shitheads, half our health care would break down. And hey, at least some of them Schwoobe are flexible enough to relocate 1 000 miles to start with a new company. Whereas you guys moan if it takes you an hour to get to work, but refuse to move 50 km closer. Well done!

Cheering when the German team loses a match – what for? Did Schweini bugger your vuvuzela or something?

My personal gripe in this nationalist pseudo-discussion, though: First complaining about how Germans arrogantly dismiss the Swiss language just to get angry at immigrants at least trying to learn local dialects. This is not a sign of a sane society. And the media cater for such an audience, too, kindling the fires underneath an issue that mostly exists in your head.

A wise man once said: “The Swiss are polite. They are not friendly.” I am inclined to agree.

We all live on the same ball of dirt called Earth. And don’t forget good ole Newton: Actio et reactio doesn’t only apply in physics, but in human relations, too. So don’t complain if the bitchee bitches at the bitcher, i.e. you.