Angry Sascha is angry.

Modern cameras come with more computation power than the average home PC of ten years ago. They automate everything, so naturally, as a Real Photographer™, you scoff technology and put the dial where it counts: Manual mode.

You saw the light: Aperture Priority mode is just shite, as it takes away control – your control over your creative decision. Same with Shutter Priority mode or, gods forbid, Program mode. You know that with anything but Manual, the camera will try to guess what you intended, measure the light and set one or more exposure controls automatically. Automatically! How could a computer know what you’re shooting? Canikosonic must believe you’re stupid!

So you wised up and have gone Manual mode exclusively. As a Real Photographer™, your goal is to expose correctly yourself, with nothing but ISO, aperture, and shutter speed. And it’s not even that hard, just make sure there’s no single triangle showing up in the viewfinder, neither ▶ nor ◀ on its own. Turn wheels or rings or press buttons until, depending on your camera, both and/or a dot appear, and you’ve got perfect exposure. Simple!

Chrissakes. Learn to use your camera’s exposure compensation, or go all the way and run around with an external light meter. And if you want to be really hardcore, buy a camera with no built-in meter. There’s uses for M mode, yes. But to simply copy what Satan’s Little Helpers aka automatic modes would have done, well, automatically, just to feel all rad? Sorry. No cookie for you.

I’ve been vocal about my dislike of Adobe. For me, it was an idealist as much as a quality thingy to switch from Lightroom 3 to CaptureOne 6. RAW processors, in case you wonder, which isn’t the point.

But let me look at the RAW processor market, as is, ca. 2012. You could just as well discuss video software, word processors, or kitchen appliances. The message is the same: If you need something, say, for supporting your beer habit or the cat or – gods forbid – a family, you’ll damn well make sure it will be around in the future and won’t push you into the Pony Level vendor lock-in. Unfortunately, just as a cook might need a replacement Kitchen Aid™ because there’s tons of specific add-ons in the drawer already, photographers may remain loyal to one platform. But there’s limits to loyalty, and the limit to end all limits is: will the bloody thing still be supported when I buy a new camera or computer?

Hasselblad releases one abomination after the other, and only gods know how long they’ll still support Phocus after bundling Lightroom with their bread-and-butter cameras. They’re primarily a hardware company, after all. Phase One might be idealists, but in the end, they too want to sell digital backs. MediaPro and CaptureOne are needed to push their hardware, to justify their “everything works with everything” approach. In the light of full-frame companies turning more and more into middle-format competitors, or other middle-format dudes besides Hasselblad bundling Lightroom, well. Where to invest your limited resources? And why, if you’ll make much more money from the 15 odd K for a new digital back than from a price/feature war on software?

Don’t get me started on Apple’s Aperture. Seriously, don’t. You’ll find all my answers to all possible “but …”s here, save the copious cussing.

And, well, then there was Lightroom 4. It’s bloated as hell, it’s from Adobe, but still: I want continuity, and I rather enjoy a non-destructive workflow. So here I am, foot-in-mouth firmly inserted.

Bugger this for a game of soldiers.

Let’s disregard a century of photography. Everybody knows it’s impossible to create compelling images with a camera that doesn’t deliver spit-clean results at ISO 6400 and beyond.

We also know it’s incredibly difficult to take a shot with a lens that doesn’t go from 14 to 400 mm. You’d have to walk closer to your subject, or further away – what a harebrained concept! You’re a photographer, not some bloody athlete! Carry around a selection of faster primes and switch them as necessary? Ridiculous. Hell, modern cameras crank up to ISO 128.000 or something! Hence, wide-open at f/3.5-8 is just the way things work™ nowadays. You bought your camera with its kit zoom, so that’s what the camera is all about, so it bloody well better deliver results fit to be put on billboards, and then scrutinised with a magnifying glass.

To make sure your money was well spent you compare 100% crops of black cats yawning in coal cellars. Even if you only plan to put photos on Facebook, graininess at a measly ISO 3200 is totally unacceptable. Your cat may not be the most interesting subject in the world, but you simply need to blow her up to fill your living room from end to end. In print, if you actually printed to such sizes, not using explosives. Err.

So it’s just natural you always look for the next camera to end all camera hunting. Working with what you’ve got, playing within (and with) its limitations? What for? The next high-ISO body has just been announced, and if you immediately put your now-crammy camera on eBay you won’t have too much of a loss.

For decades, photo-journalists and artists dealt with a maximum sensitivity of 200-800 ASA in colour, perhaps pushed to a very grainy 1600 ASA. But who cares about the likes of Steve McCurry, Martin Schoeller, or William Eggleston? Were they alive and kickin’ today, they wouldn’t bother with such laughable specs.

Oh, wait …

So you bought Diablo III at launch. You spent about 10h/day on the game, while it still was pretty raw and you were able to gain a couple of million “gold” with weirdo game mechanics, while, at the same time, you have alienated either your spouse, your boss, or both.

And now you defend your new-ish way of life with teeth, claws and the odd airborne pro-gamer mouse because Blizzard is fixing the game, making sure it plays the way they intended, without too many loopholes and bugs. Because, well, you don’t want to play a hack-n-slash, or Diablo, no, you want to play Farmville.

You bitch about the game developer removing bugs such as “you shall not walk over this weaponry” because, well, that’s what you play the game for. Reached level 60, beat Diablo @ Inferno difficulty? I.e. beat the game? No matter, you want to farm more and better gear so you can sell it for real money in the Auction House. Or because you enjoy running through the same “runs” again and again and again, hoping for the odd “Rare” or even “Legendary” drop from the same mob you already have farmed 42 times.

Blizzard says: “We don’t want people to farm bosses, we want them to play the bloody game” (paraphrased), and you moan about too few high-level items popping up after you’ve killed the same enemies again and again and again. You’re at level 60, killed Diablo in Inferno difficulty, The End™, but you still feel cheated because them monsters don’t deliver the goods, i.e. gear you didn’t need to finish the fucking game to begin with. Rather than replaying the game, you complain Act 3 isn’t “worth it anymore after the latest patch/nerf” as the items found in Acts 1 and 2 are on-par. Or whatever.

How about playing Act 3 because you enjoy playing Act 3?

But yeah, I understand. For you, Diablo III is like a job next to your day job. Farm lots online after getting home, sell the gear online, profit either monetarily or with a push to your self-esteem because you feel l33t. Blizzard nerfs your very existence, because you need to run through the same mobs again and again and again. You paid 30 Quid for the game, it simply needs to cater to your every whim, even though you’ve already spent 100 hours on it and, well, finished the bloody game.

Wait for the add-on, if you enjoyed Diablo III. If you didn’t find it too engaging, as you can’t farm enough, well – there’s always Farmville. I’m told there’s even a cow level.

So you really did it, eh? Flick the bird to what’s up nowadays, and asking for a € 1000 premium, too? Fine by me.

So you think a rehash of a 30 years old lens design it worth a couple of thou more than what you’ve toted the best there is™, the ultimate sharpness in 50mm™? Fine by me.

Because I don’t really care.

I enjoy black-and-white photography, a lot. I also enjoy the Summicron even more; it’s reasonably fast in a small package. But dudes! What were you thinking!

I guess your thinking went along these lines:

“Well, they cough up no matter what we ask for, so, eh.”

But that’s the approach that killed Loewe, Grundig, Braun, and many other manufacturers. Their brands to be gobbled up by multinationals betting on sales due to “traditional” names.

But then, not to worry, you have not one, but two Hermès special editions at the ready! No Panasonic or Minolta will take you over, na, you‘re too cool for them sharks! You pamper your audience with calfskin leather, after all. Or Hermès is, for that matter. For people less inclined to Bling you make sure to feature the launch with a renowned BnW-only photographer. And Mr. Liefers, because Wagnerian TV pathologists are Teh Real Shit™.

(I should mention I really like what @JanJosefLiefers does, especially music- and Tatort-wise, but that’s just me.)

I might not care for your new products, but I do care about where you seem to be headed. I’m all for solutions that are out there, no worries. But, seriously, Leica – there’s a limit to bullshit even proverbial milk cows will take. And, personally, I won’t go moo just because you tell me to. Even though I love your stuff. Bugger.