Angry Sascha is angry.

Cheerio Apple. You lead the industry through innovation and reduce-to-the-max. You know what people want; after all, you have sold gazillions of computers and iDevices in the past five years. You know better than your customers what said customers really want, what they need. To wit:

» Automated picture slide shows. With drop shadows!

» Indiana-Jones-themed fonts, music, and maps for movie templates.

» Fullscreen!

» Software that will make your school band’s rehearsals unnecessary. In fullscreen!

» But Apple still include interactive instrument lessons, Gods know why.

» A central repository store for applications. Unfortunately, not in fullscreen.

» Soldered Proprietary mass storage for your new notebooks. Instant-on is more important than easy repair or expansion.

» Application switcher on steroids. And in fullscreen!

» Have I mentioned fullscreen applications with integrated mail and social media functionality? After a couple of decades proclaiming it’s all about documents, not applications?

Your track record is legendary, oh mighty Apple. So I guess you really hit the bull’s eye with your estimate of what the masses really buy need. Think different? Well, if this includes think Facebook, think biotagging, think DRM, you’ve also hit the nail into the bull’s eye. Or something.

And if your mass storage fucks up, well, think green, too, and put your MacBook Air in the trash. That’s what you have your Greenpeace No Heavy Metals certificate for, after all.

Yes, hardly anybody was happy about Apple releasing their current line of notebook computers with glare displays. Plus a sheet of glass in front of said displays. Gnashing of teeth ensued, and naturally the “colour professionals” had to put their heads up their collective rectums, too: Give us matte displays NOW!

All Jack Bauer-ish screaming bloody murder didn’t impress Apple all that much. Well, okay, there was an option for non-gloss in their largest MacBook model, followed by built-to-order 15” thingies with matte panels. But rectal professionals aren’t happy yet. Give us non-glare 13” MacBook Pros, or we’ll shove our heads further up our asses! Err, I mean: Or we’ll never buy an Apple product again! Ever! You can’t work with colours on them oversaturated glossy crap displays! Satan invented them, and Jesus Jobs has to fight the Powers of Oversaturation!

Dudes, get a life.

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